Meet Messy Me
Color, bold patterns, and creativity have always caught my attention. However, growing up, I never considered myself to be a creative person. I couldn’t draw or paint…I never took an art class. Although, I admired what people created, I was a perfectionist. I was afraid of failure, so if I wasn’t automatically good at something, I didn’t do it. Plus, I’m messy when I create. My mom didn’t allow messes in the house. This hindered my creative journey.
By the way, I am still a messy crafter. I always end up with paint, ink, or glue in my hair, on my hands, and/or on my clothes. But I’m okay with it. It’s all part of the process, and messes can be cleaned. Or at least most of them can be. I have learned the importance of having a painting shirt or two. Otherwise, all my t-shirts end up as painting shirts. Anyway, back to the story…
My Creative Journey Begins
When in college, I discovered scrapbooking. This was the beginning of my creative journey. I was getting ready to graduate, and I wanted a creative way to showcase my portfolio. Something that would stand out from the crowd. I remember walking down the aisles at Hobby Lobby and taking in all the papers, stickers, and more. It was heaven.
I should tell you that school supplies were the reason I became a teacher. Is there anything better than coordinated stationary, folders, stickers.? I don’t think so!
It didn’t take long, and I was hooked on scrapbooking…even though I had no idea what I was doing. Seeking to learn more, I convinced my friend to attend a scrapbook convention in Texas for the weekend. I think I spent more than I actually learned, but after that weekend, I knew I had found my creative calling. That’s when began scrapbooking every weekend, transforming a small bedroom in my home into my craft room. I attend crops every Friday night and collected an abundance of scrapbook supplies. This was back when scrapbook stores were in every city, and you could easily find the latest and greatest collections. My hobby turned into a side-hustle, although we didn’t call it that back then. I’d found my calling!
Unfortunately, I didn’t have the support I needed at home or the business skills to make my business a full-time reality. I continued to craft whenever I had time, but as we became more involved with activities outside the house, my craft time dwindled.
Roadblocks in My Creative Journey
Then my life turned upside down. I found out my husband (now ex-husband) had been having an affair with one of my best friends for over a year. Everything I knew and believed in was shaken. We tried to make it work for a while, but during that time, I felt like I couldn’t do anything that took my attention away from my marriage and my family. I didn’t trust him, and I was paranoid that if I tried to do anything for myself, he would cheat again. I rarely, if ever, scrapbooked during that time. This was a dark period in my life. I was trying to keep my marriage going, but I was losing myself. Despite my best efforts, I was struggling with life, at home and at work. I needed a change.
After a couple of years, I went back to school for my master’s degree. It felt good doing something for myself again! I still wasn’t crafting because I was so busy with school, but at least I was doing something for myself and my personal growth. Of course, that didn’t do much for my marriage. Shortly after I started graduate school, I discovered my husband (ex) was cheating again. However, this time, I wasn’t tolerate it. He lied for a long time, making me think I was crazy, but eventually, he admitted the truth, or enough of it that I felt comfortable filing for divorce. It was a rough two years, but I came better and stronger than ever before. I knew who I was, and what I wanted for my life.
Finding Love (and Scrapbooking) Again!
I started scrapbooking again and rediscovered my passion. Eventually, I remarried a wonderful man, who supported my creative passions. He encouraged me to explore creative business options. I started working towards my own version of a MBA…podcasts, books, and online research. It wasn’t long before I was ready to take the leap of faith. I resigned from my librarian position and started an online interior design business. Yes, you read that right, an interior design business. How did that happen you ask? I’m not really sure, but somehow, I became convinced that was the route for me. Big surprise, it wasn’t.
I didn’t know interior design like I knew paper crafting, which meant that content was harder to create. I was trying to teach myself everything about interior design, while starting a business. My own house was even decorated, and I had lived there almost a year. I felt like such a fraud. Once again, I was trying to be something other than myself. I mean, I knew how to pick and coordinate colors and patterns, but decorating a house wasn’t my passion. Before too long, it became obvious that this business wasn’t going to be a success.
I had to return to work again, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t being true to myself and my purpose. Every day, I woke up excited about a project or a business idea that I wanted to pursue. Then reality set in, and I remembered that I had to go to work. I thought maybe it was the 8-5 routine of k-12 education, so I went back to school again. After a summer of 10-hour workdays and all my spare time devoted to graduate school, I was miserable. Everything I was doing was for someone else or to try and solve some future problem. I needed to do something for me…something that would feed my soul.
A New Creative Journey
In August, I started scrapbooking every weekend. I was still working full-time and going to school, but I realized that I needed the creative outlet in order to feel complete. I am busy than I have ever been, but somehow it works. I’ve learned that regardless of responsibility, I need to take care of myself and pursue those things than I am passionate about. For me, this is scrapbooking and paper crafting. It’s what I love, and the thing I would choose to do above pretty much anything else in life. Family still comes first, but you can’t take care of anyone else when your own needs aren’t being met. It’s just like the safety message on airplanes about the oxygen mask. You have to take care of yourself before you can help others.
I know I am not the only woman out there trying to find her way…trying to balance life’s responsibilities with her own needs. I believe we were all made to create. One thing I have learned on my journey is that when we chase goals that aren’t true to our passions and who we are, we will still fill empty. My goal is to inspire women to find their creative passions. That is why I chose RESOLUTE to be my one word for 2020. Despite obstacles that come my way, I am determine to stay the course and make 2020 the year I become a full-time crafter.
Until next time,
Michelle
